Yesterday I did something I swore I would never do as a farm wife. Until then, I had taken the advice my mother-in-law (who not only grew up on a farm, but is, of course, a farm wife of almost 40 years!) gave me before we got married to heart: never learn to drive equipment or they’ll put you to work! I was minding my own business dropping Ethan off for a pre-supper combine ride with his dad, when I saw my brother-in-law Craig whipping the tractor and empty grain cart around to the corner of the field to park it so they could empty their combine hoppers into the grain cart while my father-in-law shuffled and emptied trucks full of canola. Usually we have a friend to run the grain cart and truck for us, or Jay’s sister Joy comes to help out when she can, but they were both busy with other things. So, when you have two guys out of three running combines, that only leaves one to empty the grain cart into the grain trucks and haul the grain back to the farm and unload it into a bin. It’s busy work.
Jay was texting me “joking” (or so I thought) that I should hop into the tractor and drive the grain cart because they were “short-staffed” tonight. Understand that in the area of operating farm machinery, I’m still a city girl through and through. I cannot drive a stick, I have no desire to learn how to operate our grain trucks or drive a semi…and I’ve never even turned on a tractor before. He was texting me instructions and I all but told him “no bleeping way!“, because I am a very visual learner and didn’t want to learn to drive a tractor via text message! So, once his combine got to the end of the row where we were waiting, he got out and grabbed me and the kids and really left me with no choice but to hop in the tractor and learn.
He’s a very good teacher and before long I was able to slowly drive the grain cart at a whopping 3 miles per hour so the combines could keep going for a couple more passes without stopping. I kinda hate to admit that I actually liked it. A lot. I’ve always wanted to help in the field a bit as the kids got older and were busy in school, because quiet time in a tractor doesn’t sound all that bad to me.
My view from the tractor cab.
Which brings me to this quandary: am I a real farm wife now? I have seen numerous times throughout the social media world that I’m not a real farm wife because I don’t actually work on the farm. I’ve never had any insecurities about my identity as a farm wife. I know darn well the role I play on our farm is important. I have the luxury of not having to work at the hospital when our farm is really busy during the planting and harvesting seasons so I can cook huge meals with my sister- and mother-in-law and take care of our kids. I do parts runs when necessary and help out any way I can. Just because I’m not literally getting my hands dirty doesn’t make me any less of a farm wife than the wives who work alongside their husbands every day.
I have seen it said many times that farm wives like me give the “real” working farm wives a bad name when I say that I have moments of struggling being on the farm. That somehow I take away from their independence as a working woman on the farm, who also takes care of the kids and the home. That somehow sharing my personal life experiences as a farm wife degrades theirs in some manner, as if my experiences are a blanket statement for all the farm wives ever.
Please.
I don’t get it, I truly don’t. I say you do you and do it well, and I’ll do me. Whatever I share about my life truly has nothing to do with anyone else’s. I’m not trying to make a statement or start a national farm wife movement for all the farm wives to do as I do. I think some see this as a gender equality issue? Sorry to disappoint, because to me, it’s not at all. And if I want to be a “1950s farm wife” and love being in my kitchen raising my kids…why is that a judgment on anyone else? Yeah, no.
I’m just blogging. I’ve been doing it for almost 6 years on this website and if you want to know why I blog about our farm life, you can read that here.
I’m happy with who I am and my role as a wife on the farm. I’m happy to be raising our children, cooking meals, baking desserts and learning to operate some equipment as I want. I am me and no one else.
Real farm wife,
Latest posts by Sarah Schultz (see all)
- Where To Buy Cut Flower Seeds in Canada - March 4, 2020
- Bernardin Mason Jar Christmas Gift - December 17, 2019
- Does The Curly Girl Method Work? | 1 Year Update - December 2, 2019
I to am married to a farmer and learned to drive that tractor one day which then lead to mowing, raking and baling hay. I must admit I would rather drive my tractor there really is a wonderful feeling of being alone in a tractor in a field seeing all that is growing and all is surrounding you. Some years my field work is a lot some years hardly any but I can do and am there to do it if needed. However, my job does mostly consist of taking care of everything at home which includes gardening, lawn care,… Read more »
I wonder if some of the comments that seem to judge are simply coming from a place of pride by the farm wives that do run equipment? I would hope that is the situation. Every member of the farm team is just as important as the next. It doesn’t matter if you are driving a combine or doing the taxes. I tend to feel a sense of pride every time I learn something new to help the business, it doesn’t matter if it’s baking a rockin dessert or driving a swather. Thanks for this reminder to treat the other women… Read more »
Sarah, Over the years I have learned that being the daughter of a rancher, being married to a rancher and working in town and being married to a rancher and working at home full time are three very different roles. I've also learned that each rancher is an individual person with different needs. I don't do all the same tasks my Mom did when she was my age. I don't do every task that J's Mom did while she was on the ranch. But, I do my best to do what J needs me to do to the best of… Read more »
[…] Yesterday I did something I swore I would never do as a farm wife. Until then, I had taken the advice my mother-in-law (who not only grew up on a farm, but is, of course, a farm wife of almost 40 years!) gave me before we got married to heart: never learn to drive equipment or they’ll put you to work! MORE […]
I'm a farm wife who drives a tractor, but that means I don't have time to do what you do, Sarah! You keep writing great posts about agriculture, and I'll keep driving.
I grew up a farmers daughter, and sort of farm now turkeys, chickens and CSA garden
as a young girl I drove tractor, my mother never did , BUT, she went for parts, feed, and anything else dad needed. so if that is your roll on the farm, you have an important one and the most helpful.
I agree with your very first commenter Maria. I learned how to round bale hay after my second daughter was in kindergaten I have been doing most of the baling ever since. I can run every piece of machinery. It is true once you learn it is your forever job."I am me and no one else" says it all. Good job. B
My recent post A tall tale. Then again….. maybe not.
I grew up a farm girl and I'm now a farm wife and I have still not ever turned on a tractor. You know why? My mom learned how to drive a tractor and now she is doing it way more than she would ever want to. I have helped work cattle and build fence in the past, but for the most part, I am the wimpiest, lamest farm wife in the history of time. Hubby needed me to drive a 4-wheeler to help move cattle when a blizzard was coming once. He never asked again. I have no natural… Read more »
A "real" farm wife contributes to the well-being of the family that's farming — lots of different ways to contribute and over time, the way we contribute changes. The key is to find what works for you, your family & the farm. Every family & every farm is different – at least that's my take on it after 32 years!
It takes a whole family to run a farm. Right from the one's running the equipment to the one packing the lunches. I luckily get to run the equipment and my poor mom has to watch my kids and feed everyone. She has the toughest job of all at seeding and harvest!
Feeding the field workers, caring for and training your children and looking after the needs of all involved is just (if not more) important than the work of guys out there. My sister in law and I used to fight over who would be able to help in the field because it was easier than the chaos of trying to get food that would please everyone out to the field on time while caring for kids, being on call incase something was needed In the field, and making sure all the rest of life was able to carry on during… Read more »
It takes us all – thank you for all that you've done and will do for your farm family and for your patients (and thank you for your patience, actually).
Sarah, live out your purpose and exactly like you said no one else's. But I agree, grain cart driving is FUN and we all do what we need to do. It varies. My mom told me there is no glamour in a farm kitchen but someone needs to cook. We have no drive thru or fast food around and everyone needs to eat. We have a purpose in each of our roles and they evolve as families and businesses change. Be strong and bold as you always are.
Thank you, Katie!
An army marches on it's stomach, and so too does a harvest crew. My mom rarely ran equipment yet I have no doubts about the importance of her contributions to the success of our family farm. Grandma, Mom, my Sister, and now my Sister-in-Law were/are all key to the operation.
"I say you do you and do it well, and I’ll do me." Truer words were never spoken. Keep up the great writing Sarah.
Thank you, Danny.
You've been a farm wife since the moment you said, "I do!"
And B. looks pretty proud of him Momma. 🙂
My recent post September 11-19, 2015 | Daily Pictures
B was a bit skeptical of mommy driving the quad track…but he was pretty happy about it too! He prayed for me last night that I would learn to dump the grain cart safely! 😉