I am a passionate person. I’m passionate about my family, faith, breastfeeding, cloth diapers, and most recently being a positive voice for GMOs and biotechnology, among many other things. With being passionate about something (especially that can be controversial), you have to deal with a lot of the “anti” people. What I mean is that I run into people who don’t believe what I do, people who do not support breastfeeding mothers, moms who feel judged by using disposable diapers, and anti-GMO activists (to name a few). It’s part of life, especially on social media, and I believe it can truly be a good thing. If anything, it makes me stop and think and often pushes me even further into what I believe and why. But where I see a lot of people go wrong, is when they’re a bit too passionate and it almost turns into bullying. I am a firm believer that we are the only ones in charge of how we feel. If I tweet out something that inspires me, something about nursing in public, cloth diapers, or pro-GMO and you feel the opposite and that I’m judging you? That is not my intention, and sorry to be blunt – but that’s all on you. It happens to me on a daily basis and I constantly see blog posts about how pro-breastfeeders look down on formula feeders and more of the like.
So when does this cross the line into bullying?
One example I want to share with you is about the “lactivists” of the social media world. What is a lactivist, you might ask? Well it’s a woman who is an activist for breastfeeding mothers. To show support for mothers to nurse in public on Twitter. These women, and yes I have done this on occasion, seek out the ignorant on Twitter usually by searching the term “breast feeding”. Technically, they go looking for ‘trouble’ and start conversations with these people about how a mom has the legal right to breastfeed anytime, anywhere she pleases. Some of the people that they seek out, tweet absolutely hurtful, awful, ridiculous things which usually entail vulgar language regarding a woman’s breast and how “nasty” it is to have it “hanging out” and that they “don’t wanna see that” and “put a blanket over your baby”. BUT where I think it can cross the line is when 3 or more lactivists chime in and “gang up” on a person. What the ‘offender’ says is usually truly is ignorant – I agree. BUT do they need to read the same thing tweeted 10 different ways? Often my response, if I choose to engage, with these people is to state out the simple truth that “it’s only a baby eating – nothing more” or pointing out the legal matter that a mom is allowed to nurse her baby no matter what they think. There’s no need to be rude when engaging and start the name-calling game with these people, to me it’s just important to tell it like it is. Usually it’s not worth wasting my mental energy and I politely “walk” away, which is why I’m not much of a lactivist on Twitter anymore. I maintain my composure, try to educate them that it’s just a mother providing a basic need for their baby and that baby has the right to eat anywhere and everywhere just like they do. To me, it’s so so so simple. But to a lot of people? They think it’s sexual, disgusting, nasty – pick your adjective. I really do think that it has potential to be positive, because a lot of the stares and comments an (especially young) mother gets when she’s nursing her baby in public, can deter her from doing so and can potentially halt breastfeeding all together – not cool.
But, is there a better way?
I tweeted a couple of weeks ago about this to see what people thought. I think most of us women like to point out to these people who tweet of their disgust to nursing in public, that it is what it is – our legal right to feed our babies. I’m more than happy to leave it at that and if they start name-calling and offering alternatives, I’ll politely respond until I realize (which it almost inevitably will be) that it’s a waste of my time and energy. I like to kill people with kindness. “You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar” came up twice in my tweets, and I whole-heartedly agree! I’ve also encountered a whole new species of activists online – the anti-GMOers. Once in awhile I’ll see some banter in my feed between a person for and against GMOs and I’ll pipe in my two cents. What frustrates me so much with this group is that I will state a fact, as I did in my post a couple of weeks ago, and that gets automatically dismissed, they cannot acknowledge what I just said, and I get a meme or a rat tumor thrown in my face. I would love to run into 1 person – just 1 person on “the other side” that says “wow – I actually didn’t know that, thanks for telling me“. But it’s likely to never happen. The reason why I do engage is because the other side, “my side”, needs to be heard too. We can’t get sucked into the fear-mongering vortex of lies.
You know what? I have a lot of friends and family that believe in different things, that eat organic and try to avoid GMO’s at all cost – and that’s great. I love them just the same. I love my formula feeding and disposable diapering moms too. The difference is there’s respect there. They respect where I’m coming from and can see my point of view, and I respect theirs just as much. I guess it’s just so different when it comes to strangers on Twitter!
So are we going to change the world one tweet at a time? Probably not…but it’s something I’ll still probably always do in moderation!
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It is just so cliche to call the Lactivists bullies. Instead of seeing the bullying examples as a warning not to be like them, it comes off as reinforcement of the self-preserving attitude, "I could never be so rude." The rhetoric about the rude breastfeeders is tired and worn. Why not jazz it up a little and call the Formula Activists the bullies. Here's an example: Amy: Post all the smug breastfeeding superiority memes you want, have at it. “Advocacy” like this needs to go away for the greater good, but you certainly have the right to post it. I… Read more »
P Pink,
Who is Amy and Lisa that you are referring to?
Also, it is not fair to make a blanket statement about lactivists (or anyone for that matter) like you have. I consider myself a lactivist but I don't shame formula feeding moms, I do it by sharing mine and others' breastfeeding stories to try to encourage other moms to breastfeed if they want to.
Sara don't you dare ever change. Speak your mind and listen to those who disagree. cheers
rob
Thank you, I've been inspired to start taking on more "controversy"….I do think it's for the greater good!
My recent post I Don’t Want To.
I met my first lactivists when I was discussing using donated breast milk for my adopted son. I knew there were ways for me to induce lactation, but I personally wasn't comfortable with it. That statement alone was taken that I meant it was a gross sexual thing. If I felt that way, I don't know why I would even consider donated milk (a wonderful mother made it possible for our precious son to have breast milk for his first seven weeks). I understand it is everyone's right to be passionate, but it does get hard when it's turned into… Read more »
Angi that is AWFUL! I read that post about inducing lactation you wrote and I'm so sorry that you feel judged. In all honesty, as a reader commented above – parenting choices is NOT something we should be "activists" about. Yes I sleep train…but other than my blog I don't go preaching around the world that YOU TOO SHOULD SLEEP TRAIN "or else". What a blessing that your son got donated milk – such a gift! But yes, it does turn into bullying at that is absolutely not right!
My recent post Online Activism: Is It Worth It?
I am definitely the kind of person who is willing to change my view if someone has a better 'point' than I do – or if I decide that the facts really do back up the 'other side' – and I have changed my view on many things, many times, and sometimes back and forth (Creation/Evolution) based on the best arguments – so I definitely think it's important for people to be willing to discuss what they believe and WHY. But I know that I'm rare – I've had so many conversations with people who I thought would 'see reason'… Read more »
You hit the nail on the head. What seems so obvious to me about some things (for example NIP) it's like what you say about the sun shining. I also 100% agree on the parenting things – that's not up to be "active" about. I think we can provide education/facts but not let our personal opinions get in the way, if that makes sense. For example for your friend, it would have been hard, but one could say that formula is absolutely a safe and healthy option for a baby. That doesn't meaning you're pushing formula on them, just stating… Read more »
Sarah, great post. I am such a 'to each their own' type of person that I don't understand we anyone else would even care who breast feeds or eats what. I am interested in all the points of view, which is one of the things I like about your breastfeeding posts-they don't always turn out to be positive stories. Thank you for showing different sides to the story. For me when I blog about donating to the food bank i often wonder if anyone is actually inspired to do anything. I do have a few devoted followers whose kind words… Read more »
I am exactly like that too, Tennille – to each their own. When I blog about stuff….it might be selfish, but it's because it's a passion of mine, I never try to push anything on anyone. I think it's so important to share our passions because I can almost guarantee that you have inspired people to donate to food banks by posting about them! Keep it up!
My recent post Online Activism: Is It Worth It?
I am inspired by your passion, Sarah! Its been great getting to know you via social media! Keep on keeping on, lady!!!
Oh thank so much, Chris! It's great knowing you too!
My recent post Online Activism: Is It Worth It?
This was a really good read with a very important message! I rarely read blogs anymore, but you still pop up on various feeds (ie Pinterest, Facebook) occasionally, and as this was something I really took note of when I did actively read blogs, I was intrigued. You're very right, it's all about respect. And fear. And and and…. I guess its not all about one thing haha. Hopefully, while I agree most people won't change their views on the various topics (I prefer to stay neutral on most things, such as GMOs… I feel I need more education on… Read more »
Thanks, Laura! I'm glad that you stopped by my blog! I don't feel it was a judgment at all, I like to be well-informed before I take a "side" on things. That's my whole problem with the GMO thing, there's flat out lies and fear-mongering happening to suit a whole different political agenda. If you don't want to buy GMO products – fine. But don't go lying about it, is my thing on that particular issue – more people need to think like you. And thank you so much again for your comment! My recent post Online Activism: Is It… Read more »
The article was talking about a California mom who moved to NJ and who was getting ostracized for breastfeeding her two year old and five month old. In NJ, the majority of mother's are 100% done breastfeeding before 6 months. Yes, you read that right. Before.
I was appalled.
I had a professor who told us that when his son was born, the hospital deliberately prevented his wife from breastfeeding, and she had to do it basically behind their backs when they weren't in her room. This was only in the nineties… I recently read an article about how only 15% (or less, I don't recall the exact amount) hospitals in New Jersey even give women the option to keep their babies in the same hospital room as them after delivery! And these are medical professionals who truly believe that is the right thing to do. It is so… Read more »
WOW! That is unbelievable that this is happening in today's age! This is why I have a problem with the advertising/marketing power that formula has. I'm glad it's on the market and available to those who want to/need to purchase it…but it should NEVER be pushed on a new mom. More education needs to be done and we should be our biggest advocates. Wow, that is truly shocking! Thank you for your comment, Christine – I do agree. I think it's very important to have our positive voices heart – even on the internet! My recent post Online Activism: Is… Read more »