Is this thing on? Is anyone out there still? I feel like I can’t really call myself a blogger anymore, seeing as how, you know…I barely blog once a month anymore. Anyway, what better way to update whoever is out there still reading, with an edition of “Currently”…
Obsessing Over
Planning my garden for 2019. Seriously! I’ve ordered so many dahlia tubers, and lots on my wish list that I never thought I’d be able to find. I also have a lot of seed packets tucked away from multiple growers for multiple varieties of sunflowers, zinnias, cosmos and snapdragons. Flowers have brought me so much joy and hope, that even just thinking about them for next year lifts my spirits. Pretty soon I’ll be back in the dirt planting my fall bulbs. I’ll be planting 11 varieties of tulips that I’ll be harvesting next spring for the first time. Usually I leave my tulip bulbs in so they grow as decorative perennials in my flower beds, but this year I will be harvesting about 170 tulips or so to make bouquets for myself, friends and family. I also have amended my garden soil for the first time ever, as that was one of the biggest lessons I learned this growing season—healthy soil = healthy plants. I am also hyper aware that the end of my flower season this year might send me deep into seasonal affective disorder for the first time ever, but so far I’m doing really well. We hopped right into hockey season, which also brings me so much joy, that I’m doing pretty good right now.
Thinking About
My mental health a lot. I started seeing a new therapist, who is actually a psychologist. I’ve had two sessions with her so far, and I really really like her. The first two therapists I’ve had were okay, but like with many things in life, not every patient is going to connect with every therapist, and I didn’t connect with my second one at all. I’ve been really struggling with my anxiety lately. I’ve said it publicly before, but my family relationship/struggles are my #1 trigger. The hardest thing for me in this life is to accept that I cannot change how people feel about me and act towards me, especially when it’s my own family, when I hardly have any family left. I’m really hoping that my psychologist can help me to work through these feelings that I’m having, because they absolutely can consume me in a very unhealthy way.
Doing
Not a lot lately because until yesterday afternoon, we had a 34 day break from harvest. I know that’s a big part of my problem with mental health: an idle mind. The busier I am and the more I can focus on other things, the less I obsess and worry over things I cannot change anyway. The boys just had their first hockey games this past weekend, and it’s so great to be back in the rink. It will pose a slight problem while we’re back harvesting now, but I’m just happy they’re able to get back in the fields, as I was thinking there would be no way they’d get back in to finish this year because of all the moisture, including a record-breaking snowfall, that we’ve had.
Watching/Listening To
Jay and I just finished watching the new Jack Ryan TV series on Prime. It was very good, but only 8 episodes long, and we’re hooked and want more. Before that we watched the two seasons of Ozark and really liked that too. I watched all of the Friends Thanksgiving episodes with Laura last weekend, so I’ve been watching Friends at night too, just to have something on that I don’t have to think about/get into and that makes me laugh. I recently watched The Sinner on Netflix and it was outstanding. Over the summer I also watched Harlan Coben’s Safe and The Five, and new seasons for Broadchurch, Quantico and Homeland. We stream so much from Netflix and Prime, that we are only paying $26/month on our Bell satellite which gives us (Jay) the Flames games and I get to keep taping Grey’s, This is Us and The Big Bang Theory. That’s about all I watch live anymore, the rest I just wait until I can binge the season on Netflix.
I don’t think I’ll ever not be a true crime enthusiast, so I’ve found more podcasts that I absolutely love to listen to. My favourite thing to do this summer was to be outside in my garden listening to podcasts while Jonathan napped. Just me, vitamin D and great stories to listen to. I added Canadian True Crime, Minds of Madness, Criminal, True Crime Garage and I, Survivor to my subscription list.
Loving
Our pokey little pal Sonic. He is probably grumpy more times than not, and he is a very solitary animal, as pretty much everywhere I’ve ever read, promised he would be. However, I still look forward to our evening bonding times where all he wants to do in this world is to hide and burrow. I find a cozy spot on the couches (which, by the way, are new this summer and I LOVE THEM!) and try to force my love on him, but he quickly scurries away and burrows in the blankets that cover my legs. He scurries around and licks/bites at my pant legs (signs of affection from a hedgehog) and then scratches away, makes a little nest, and ‘snuggles’ and has a nap. He loves eating his insects and eggs and he has an amazing hedgehog life, and that makes me so happy. He’s very photogenic, but he’s hard to get to stay still and he just turned 1 last week.
Again I find myself wondering if it’s worth keeping this space and I’ve seriously considered letting it go. I’ve been turning down paid blog opportunities because it’s not fair to anyone out there who still reads this blog (or my potential clients) that I just do paid blog posts when I’m not posting regular content. I’ll see if I find any motivation to keep this space going the rest of this year, as I renew my blog hosting in the new year and don’t want to pay what I currently am just to have this as archived material.
I love creating and writing and sharing photos…but the motivation and time just isn’t there.
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I’m still here but I’ve been loving finding out about your favorites on Instagram. Your flowers have brought me joy too. After your flowers two years ago I did a little this past summer just with seed packets but I didn’t do as good of a job wedding the flower area of my garden as I should have. What catalogs do you recommend looking for flower from?
Hey Val, I’m so sorry I’m just getting to this. I think our catalogs vary so greatly because we’re in different countries. I’ve heard great things about Johnny’s and ordered online from them this year too.
So many blog accounts that I follow are on instagram now that it surprises me when one actually gets updated. You do what you feel is best! I love following you on IG. 🙂
I am a mom, RN, farmer and a sufferer of SAD, depression, and anxiety. My kids are grown up and live away, my daughter to soon move far away where weekly coffee dates will no longer exist.
I understand how you are feeling, how the motivation dries up when the rest of the world takes over, how time is not there. Please know that your blog, however infrequent it is, has made me smile when I didn’t think I could, has reminded me that I am not alone with the struggle of mental health issues, and that although we don’t know each other personally I feel like you are a friend. So thank you for what you have given me over these past few years. It has been so greatly appreciated. I understand if you feel you can’t continue with your blog project. We need to do what is right for us, but let me tell you, you will be missed.
Thank you, a fellow warrior of the world.
I agree! Keep the blog, but do it when you can and enjoy it. We’ll be here to read and enjoy it when you do, and I always enjoy Instagram, too.
I really enjoy reading your blogs. I can relate to you so much. I have struggled with many of the same things as you, especially with our fathers. I can understand how you feel, but you need to do whatever feels right for you. Love your blog, but take care of yourself and your family. If you continue, I will always read your blogs. Many blessings, you deserve them.
I love your blog posts and read them all. I understand when motivation runs dry and you have other avenues to share as Instagram. See how it goes. I will be reading if you continue and understanding if you don’t. Enjoy some great fall weather
Ok, I’m just one reader, but as a farm wife, I relate to all you do and would sincerely miss this blog! I subcribe by email, so I get the post when you post, and honestly don’t care how often you do it. Know that there are probably a lot of us still out here reading!! (and appreciating what you do!)
That’s so sweet, thank you for reading, MaryEllen!
I feel the same way. I’ve been trying to blog but it’s so hard to balance EVERYTHING. I do read your blog all the time!