The art of saying “no”, would be an extension of the title of this post. Currently, my plate is very full. With a quite a few shifts at the hospital, all the work that I put into this blog, the efforts of coordinating blog posts, making graphics and being a big part of the social media voice for Ask the Farmers, and trying to get motivation to do the same tasks for Aggie Days is just getting overwhelming. I’m also secretary of our playschool, I’m volunteering to help with our skating club’s carnival, I have done lots of work (and still have more to do) on my presentations that I’m giving this winter and spring, and I’m also getting mentally prepared for some conferences and travel dates in March and April. I’m just busy…really busy.
Late winter leading into spring last year and now this year, have proven to be one of my most busy times, especially on my website and others that I volunteer for. I was chatting with my husband and my mom about how daunting this spring was working up to be, and though I love all that I do, I decided “something has to give”. My mom gave me some wonderful advice and suggested that while the kids are young, put my volunteer efforts into them and into our community. I love being a part of the Calgary Stampede’s Aggie Days social media team, and though the commitment seems small, I do a ton of work behind the scenes that takes up hours and hours away from my other work and my family. I’ve done a lot of thinking about things and decided that that is what has to give right now. I want to put as much into agriculture education as I can, but for now it will have to wait. Sometimes I doubt my choices and keep thinking that it’s only “x” amount of hours and that I should be able to make all of these opportunities work…I just can’t. I would also love to volunteer for the Classroom Agriculture Program, but I just can’t add that to my list at this time either.
I already cut back on some online work this year by dropping out as host and coordinator of our Catch the Moment project 365 group and that has been a huge weight off my shoulders. I still participate in the group, but I’m not “the boss” anymore and it makes me feel like I can do this project at my own pace and not worry about what other people are doing and how they are doing it. Another huge thing for me is not comparing myself to other women. I see moms all around me in real life and online that have 2 or 3 more children than me and have way more on their plates than I do. God made me the way I am and I also recognize that some women thrive being very very busy, and I am one who recognizes my limits.
Sometimes we want to put our whole selves into every opportunity that presents itself…but sometimes we also just have to be brave and say “no”.
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Saying no is something that is hard but it is always a good thing. Some of us learn much sadly much later in life that it is OK to take care of yourself and give yourself permission to say that word NO. Good luck and enjoy the time with your children the most important and fast flying time of your life. B
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Thanks for sharing, Sarah! I have such a hard time saying "No" to things…my struggle is people pleasing. But I finally had to come to the place where I asked myself…"What good am I doing if I or my family is suffering?", all because I was afraid of the reaction if I turned something down. I am the type that doesn't thrive well when my plate is full. I try to keep my schedule as open as I can so I'm available for the unexpected needs that arise. One of my spiritual gifts is "Acts of service", I love nothing more than rising to the challenge when a family needs a meal, or an eldery person needs their errands run..and leaving my schedule open for these areas of ministry allows me to be freed up to help out. I'm glad you recognized that during this season of life, cutting back is a positive. You can't get this time back with your family. Blessings!
We totally need to evaluate what we are capable of – and what we are capable of doing well. I saw an infographic once that said – Family, Friends, Career, Hobbies, Clean House, Exercise – pick 3. And I thought it over (angrily) and realized that although I TRIED to do all of it, I honestly wasn't able to do all of it well. And since I'm a stay at home Mom – I decided also that whatever else I do, I want to do the 'parent thing' WELL. It's really too bad that so many of us feel like we're somehow less adequate than other Moms based on our 'to do list', but the Moms I really look up to the most (sometimes) are the ones who seem to do nothing else but play with their kids – doing our own thing is good too, but we should totally not compare ourselves!
That's a very intelligent and mature decision to come to. In addition to comparing yourself to others, what you perceive from others isn't necessarily what they're going through. So not only does not everyone have the same skills and talents, but everyone conveys a message to others and with some people you get what you see while others hide the truth (whether intentionally or not) very well.
So I hope you can find some peace in your new balance. And if it's better but still not great, don't be afraid to go back to the list and cross a few more off or take lesser roles. You're no good to anybody–particularly yourself and family–if you're overworked and stressed.
Much love and luck!
My recent post The Secret World of Ana, Mia, Cat, and Sue
I was going to add what you said in my blog post, but decided not to that "what you perceive from others isn't necessarily what they're going through" and I wholeheartedly agree with that—not everyone is as strong as they seem to be.
I've had to learn over the last 5 years of being a mom that if we can afford it (which luckily we can) that my family always takes first priority. I will never work instead of going to a hockey game or a birthday party (I am very lucky that I work on an 'as needed' basis) and I know now to put forth my volunteer efforts into my family life. I've had a hard time learning to deal with balance and stress. Thanks for your kind words, Michael. I've appreciated all the encouraging words you give!
I am in the same boat just having a hard time learning to say no. 4 school age kids, general leader for 4-H , project leader for the youngest group , school community council, cattle coop, Ag in the classroom presenter. When it's all kid/ business related how do you pick what goes and feel on with the choice? Especially when calving starts in 6 weeks!!
Oh girl, I hear you! So busy with so many kids and you want to put effort into teaching other kids and keeping clubs going…it gets so hard! Sometimes "no one else will do it" but if you poke and prod around, sometimes people really are willing to help!
I totally hear you Sarah! I'm doing the same thing, learning how to say no. One just can't do it all and we've got to make priorities. Good for you!
I always worried what people would think of me, but since becoming a mom I've had to humbly myself and learn when to ask for help and when to say "no". It's a learning process (and then learning not to feel guilty about it) but it's coming!