When I did go back to work he could miss 2 nights of nursing and pick it right back up when I was home on the third night. Then I went back on the birth control pill and I think that was the one of the final nails in the proverbial coffin, as it can affect your supply. He’s just growing up and getting more curious and was even too distracted to nurse at bedtime anymore. If I wanted to nurse him I would have to turn off ALL the lights, hide his heater and almost ‘trick’ him into nursing. It took him a bit of convincing but once he focused and latched, away he went and I know he always enjoyed it.
Ugh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry but the sting of hot tears is burning my eyes and my throat is tightening with sadness. He’s not a baby anymore. It feels like that is the last bit of baby he has left and it was hard to let go. I keep second guessing myself that maybe I should “try harder” and get him to nurse at bedtime again, it’s only been 3 days since we stopped…but it can’t go on forever, nor do I want it to. Again, I am so so thankful that he ended it on his terms. I offered him to nurse 3 nights ago, he played a bit and tried, and I looked at him and I said, “this is the end of it for us, isn’t it? That’s okay.” I get myself back, though I never ever minded sharing with Ethan for the amazing benefits that breastfeeding provide both him and me. I made it through a good chunk of cold and flu season, which I really wanted to do. He’s my second baby to never need a drop of formula and for that I am also grateful and proud of, and I’m allowed to be.
That was one of our first times breastfeeding, and I pray that all moms-to-be out there get the chance to share this amazing journey with their babies. It’s one of the things about motherhood that I’ve enjoyed the most and that I’m most proud of.
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