Today is the one year anniversary that I accepted Jesus into my heart. I was at my first ladies retreat and my life has been changed ever since that weekend. I was happy to spend the day there yesterday, the place where Jesus found me, with my sister-in-law and two other women whom I love dearly and have helped guide me on my walk with Christ. I have struggled a lot this last week with many things in my life, and my faith being one of them. I found it too fitting that it’s the one year anniversary of the She Reads Truth community, and I’m happy to share more what life has been like for me since finding these lovely ladies to journey with. His timing is always perfect, and here has been what’s on my heart lately…
Sometimes something happens in our lives that will challenge everything we believe in. Events that shake us to our core and make us wonder if we’ll make it out in one piece. Death is one of these things. I have learned in the last month that my dad died, that death truly brings out people’s true colors, as they say. Some people rise up to the occasion and seem to say the right things and step up in ways to support you that you could not imagine otherwise, and others unfortunately fall terribly at the other end of the spectrum and end up disappointing you so much in their actions or lack thereof.
I’m a believer. I make that clear on my blog and more so hopefully in the way that I live my life. When I wrote my testimony on this blog awhile ago, I also acknowledged that I haven’t always been a Christian. I’ve always believed in God – but I had not accepted Jesus yet. I know that talking about religion and faith makes a lot of people uncomfortable, and I was one of them, even when I started dating my Christian husband.
Something happened about a month after my dad died that made me start to question everything. Nobody said anything. Nobody did anything to hurt me – this is all on me and my interpretation of said events. But it got me thinking…
- Do I preach?
- Do I make others feel judged?
- Do I tweet too much about my faith?
- Do I post too much Scripture?
- Do I blog too much about my faith?
- Am I too much?
- Do people want me to stop?
- Should I stop?
Things happened that lead me to either believe, or seriously consider, most of what I just listed. I thought maybe I should stop all the above, especially sharing stories and Scripture that spoke to me and inspired me. I think some of the words I have shared ended up being misunderstood, which is something I never intended. On the other hand I challenge you – if me (or anyone in life) makes you feel judged, ask yourself why. No one can make anyone feel anything. We are in charge of how we feel, so if you ever feel judged in life – take a step back and ask yourself why it is you feel judged.
Then Jay read me the Verse of the Day the night that I was struggling. It was a verse from Acts where Paul and Silas are singing in prison. I did not think that verse applied to my situation whatsoever, but I was oh so wrong.
Source: heartlight.org
The prayer that followed spoke mounds to me.
My Prayer…
Holy Father, in times of adverse reaction against me because of my faith, I pray that you will make me a loving, respected, and forceful witness for Jesus. I ask this not so that I can boast, but so that others can more fully know your grace and come to Jesus to be saved. In the name of my Savior, Jesus, I pray. Amen.
I believe in the power of prayer. I believe that God speaks to me, and that night he spoke to me through my husband.
I was the ‘adverse reaction’ against myself.
I started questioning my own faith.
I started fighting myself, I let the enemy get in my head.
I have never wanted to be a ‘preachy’ Christian, I have only ever wanted to lead by example as the wonderful people who am I surrounded by have. But, if no one ever talked about God and Jesus and heaven and hope and faith and the Bible…I would not be where I am today. It’s not something that we need to be, or should be, hush-hush about. I am thankful for all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) because otherwise I would not have been challenged in my faith.
Sometimes it’s really hard to stay grounded with these challenges that life throws at us. It’s times like these when I realize most that I do need God and his endless mercies and his amazing grace. After all, Jesus said “apart from me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5).
I am a perpetual “fixer”. I cannot stand tension and anger in my life, and even if I am not to blame fully or partially, I cannot stand it. I want to fix it all. BUT, this last week I have been reminded that what is impossible with man, is possible with God (Luke 18:27) and I have been clinging to that. I am also repeating my favorite verse over and over in my head to lean not on my own understanding, in all my ways acknowledge Him and he will set my paths straight (Provers 3:5-6). Sometimes I just have to stop worrying and wait for God to take care of the situation. A good friend reminded me that waiting in God honors Him. If we honor God we will be honored by Him (1 Samuel 2:30). Let’s let God do our battling for us.
I am not perfect and He doesn’t want me to be. For that, I am truly blessed. Thank you to my friends who have helped me get through one of the hardest times in my life – you know who you are and I love you.
I would also like to add my thanks to the ladies, the founders, the Sisters who have given us this amazing She Reads Truth community. You have truly changed my life forever. I feel so at home with this online community. I love surrounding myself with the hope, joy, and peace you bring to me. Thank you SRT ladies, writers, and community members!
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You know how I feel about all of this. You have been a rock and inspiration to me in so many ways this last year. Keep doing what you're doing, keep sharing His word, and keep the Faith mama. It's your blog, your thoughts, and your relationship with God. HUGS!
My recent post Well, hello summer.
I do know how you feel and I'm so blessed to have you as a friend. You're right – my blog, my thoughts. I don't post about it every day, week, or even month…but when I do, it's all for me and whomever else it encourages in the meantime is an added blessing.
Love your honesty, especially your prayer! Thanks for sharing!!!!
My recent post Join Me
I can't take credit for the prayer – it comes with the Verse of the Day – but thank you! I always wonder if I should be sharing my faith on my blog as I know it makes people terribly uncomfortable sometimes, so thanks for your comment!
I think it's good you wrote this post if it helps you address something that has really been bugging you. I am going to go out on a limb and say that I am completely on the opposite end of the religion spectrum; truth be told, I have a really big problem with the majority of organized religions. But you know what? It's your blog, so you should write what you want and speak your mind, and not worry about offending someone or a particular group. I might not have the same religious beliefs as you, but I come here… Read more »
Thanks for your thoughts, Jen. I know that all of us won't agree on EVERYTHING in life, or rather than agree – make the same choices. I have never gotten 'hate' mail, per say, on anything regarding my faith, but people's actions have said just as much. Seriously though – thank you for your words!
Beautiful post Sarah. I'm a "new" Christian and while raised always believing in God, I never spoke about it. Most of my friends are not true believers (some believe there is a God, some believe a higher power) it makes it difficult. I want them to love me, and not judge me. But really, what does that say? I'm hiding parts of myself just because of what they think? You're right, in Him all is possible and without Him we can't do anything. Being Type A and a control freak has really been a challenge and I have to work… Read more »
Thanks so much, Melissa. I think our stories are probably similar in finding Jesus in our adult life. I wish I could do Bible study with you – it would be so much fun and you always post such yummy pics of the snacks!! It is super super hard to be a Type A believer…I can relate to that sooooo much! I would really love to start doing studies with and praying more with my husband. Thanks for the inspiration!
sarah! gorgeous pictures and beautiful story! thanks for sharing 🙂
My recent post god’s faithfulness.
Thank you so much, and thanks for stopping by!
I LOVED THIS! I too started really blogging, really talking about my relationship with God, and have had those very same questions. As I was reading your post, I felt as if I were reading my own words, I really relate to so much of this, especially experiencing the death of a parent and the toll it takes on everyone. Thank you so much for sharing your heart! I am glad that you committed yourself to Jesus 1 year ago and are a part of the SRT community!
I guess it's one thing to blog about it, as it's our platform to say whatever we want whenever we want to…it's another thing to know 'what' and 'how much' to say in everyday life. Thank you so so much for reading and for your beautiful comment!
Yay! Another Canadian prairie sister on SRT! I just moved back to my "home" to southern MB from BC this past year and just love it. Thank you so much for sharing your heart. I'm so glad that God is not afraid of our questions. Looking forward to following your blog now that I've found it. Blessings!
Haha – welcome home! Thank you so much for stopping by and reading, I'm off to check out your blog!
That verse in Acts is one of my favorites. For me it's a reminder that in the darkest times of my life, I should still be singing His praises. Lovely post!
My recent post Happy Communiversary!
Thank you very much, I'm glad to know that verse means so much to someone else!
I love how refreshing and honest this post is. I have loved reading about your journey in Christ for the past year. Your testimony was amazing. Enjoy the "Honeymoon" phase of your relationship with Him. I know I have let my relationship with him die on the vine many times, but through each season I have regained a strength from the dead season, to bring into the fruitful season of my relationship with him. We all have seasons, and the Lord is always there… (How awesome right?!) There are no deadlines/timelines for Him! Always HIS timing. <3 Much love! My… Read more »
You hit the nail on the head, Chelsey. It totally is the "honeymoon" stage and I know that there will be many bumps and many many times that I stray from His path, but I'm glad that I do have that path to come back to. Blessings and love to you!
Dear Sister it was so lovely seeing you for even a few hours. When you write (even for the past year) you write such honest and open things about you! I find it encouraging! and Inspiring as I continue to grow and struggle in the walk God has called me too. I am glad He has given these podiums to you to send out His word! And Happy 1 yr Birthday!!!
P.s NICE SHOT of the BUTTERFLY 😉
Biiiiiiiig huge hug! Always lovely to see you and to have another sister in my life. It humbles me and makes my heart happy that I (little ol' me!) can be inspiring and encouraging to you. We will grow and struggle together!
Sarah, Your openness astounds me and touches me at my core. There is such a fine line between authentic Christianity that lives, breathes, and yes even talks about Christ in a way that is not "preachy" and human efforts to "Share the Faith" and that is not to say that folks in this camp don't LOVE Jesus, but that someone has convinced them to use a formula for witnessing. YOU Girl, Have an AUTHENTIC Voice for Christ. Don't let Satan blow out your candle. Love your Blog and look forward to your continued participation in She Reads Truth Love you,… Read more »
Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words! I strive to be open and honest in all facets of my life – including my blog. I have felt the enemy so much in my life since my dad died, but I will not let him in! Thank you again!