I was so thrilled when Kara-Kae of The Mom Diggity asked me to be a co-host for her monthly series “Messy Motherhood”. I recently did a post on balance called “So, I’m Not Mrs. Incredible After All“. Since it was so recent I thought I would do an update on finding balance in my life.
Even though the busyness of the holidays are over…my life is still very busy. Even a solo trip to the grocery store with two little ones seems to take up a lot of energy! But right after I wrote that blog post, I talked to my husband. I’ve always had a really hard time asking for help. I don’t know why I have such a chip on my shoulder about it, I don’t have to “prove” to anyone, (but myself, apparently), that I can do it all, all by myself…yet I constantly do. So I talked to Jay and things have gotten a lot better. He’s never ever been opposed to helping me and always does what I ask him to, so I’ve been asking more frequently. I’m getting help with cleaning up around the house, our recycling, he’s so so great about doing things with Braden so that poor Braden isn’t bored out of his tree with a mom who would, quite frankly, rather just stay at home most days. He even took it upon himself to organize and clean the garage. I feel like I’ve been keeping up with my housework, though I’m still doing laundry every day because of the cloth diapers and a certain baby who spits on everything he sees.
This month I have made a point of making some time for myself. Jay had both boys for 1/2 a day to himself so I could get my hair cut and colored and it went really well for all involved. It also seems that 2 or 3 days a week Jay will get up with the kids and let me sleep in, which helps tremendously. I’ve also made a date with my sister-in-law Laura for the beginning of next month so we can have some time away from our families, which I think is really important for us to recharge! Have you ever heard the saying “how can I miss you if you’re never gone?”…yeah that! 
That’s the hardest thing about finding balance as a mother – you have to put yourself into the equation. I am not a selfish person by nature, I put others above my own needs constantly, as I believe most mothers are wired to do. But it is so important to take time for yourself, and that is not a selfish thing. We need to focus on us, even if it’s just for a day, half a day, or even half an hour in a bubble bath (wine optional!), because I believe if we take time to focus on ourselves, we can be the best wife, mom, friend, daughter, etc. that we can be.
When I studied Proverbs with the #SheReadsTruth community and we got to the end of the book…I thought to myself – good Lord! How is any wife supposed to be a Proverbs Wife? The point isn’t to be her, the point is to aspire to be her – to be all that we can be. We cannot be just like her, but we can learn from her integrity and resourcefulness. There aren’t enough hours in the day, especially my day, to do all that she does!
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:28
The Proverbs wife’s achievements are a result of her reverence for God – her strength and her dignity from Him. I feel that as long as I’m a God-fearing woman, it will shine through in my life as not only a wife, but as a mother to my two sweet boys, and help to keep balance in my life!
I was wandering around my house last night feeling trapped – and I realized that people who work outside of the home can ‘go home’ at the end of the work day, and I can’t. I’m typically the type of person who likes to be doing something productive, but everything productive at home just felt waaay too much like work but I couldn’t figure out what I could do to ‘get away’. Argh! I definitely need to get out for a break more often!
Great post! As they say, you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself. As mothers, that is much easier said than done, though. Asking for help is something I had to learn, too.
Glad to have found your blog!
It's so true. Like we feel guilty for asking for help b/c well, we're the moms and should be able to do it all, or sneaking out for just a few hours of unscheduled time alone is crazy talk! It's important to realize that a happy, well-rested mom is important to kids, and it's important for them to see us putting ourselves first occasionally. Now if I could just enact all those ideas *myself* a little bit everyday….well, then I'd be on to something
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So glad you are getting some time to yourself. Motherhood is the hardest balancing act I have ever tried. It is so hard and I love how inspirational your words are! You are an amazing mama!!
xoxo
Lanaya http://www.raising-reagan.com
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I think every mother can relate. My 2.5 yr old is so helpful around the house and running errands but I still avoid going out when my husband isn't home. It's just a hassle packing up the kids and then unpacking them for a short trip. Our grocery store is a ten minute walk away…we live in a "village. " I honestly don't know what I'm going to do once nursing school starts; I already have a hard time juggling the kids, housework, full time work (night shift), school, and trying to nap during the day. I just keep reminding myself that this part of life will not last forever. It will all be worth it in the end. I have a supportive husband and family, and I work with some excellent nurses who all want me to succeed.
I still manage to have a little social life, but when I visit friends or go out for a coffee date the boys are always with me, and it only happens every couple months! It's nice to read that you're getting in some time just for yourself now!
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You do a great job! It's always impossible for us women to please ourselves and to meet our own expectations. I'm glad you're asking Jay more often for some help! He's an amazing Daddy, and will be much more pleased with his wife if he helps her out! The most ridiculous thing we do is get overwhelmed and all cranky with everyone for not helping…..when we don't ever ask. We feel people should just be able to figure it out. Never gonna happen! Glad you realized it sooner than later! Love you!