As you will soon be able to tell, I wrote this post months ago. It’s been on my heart a lot lately and I felt it was time to share. With Squishy’s due date approaching and only one grandfather figure in his/her life…I just needed to reflect on why that is. It makes me sad…and you’ll see why… (This is a long and wordy post…but it all needed to be said).
“I never lie to someone I trust, I never trust someone who has lied to me.”
His email, was essentially this: “Bought a house outside of Canada, retiring next week. Have a nice life. Love, Dad”
He’s been my father for over 29 years. And that’s it?! That’s all I got? But you know what overtakes his role of being my father? The grandfather to my child(ren)? The thing that has been an absolute poison in his life? His alcoholism. His addiction. I have no idea how long he’s been an alcoholic. Years? Decades? I don’t know. But I discovered it firsthand over 2 years ago and I’ve been battling my own demons of being a daughter of an alcoholic. It’s a family disease, and I never knew that until I realized how awful alcohol can be.
I gave him hope.
I gave him a chance to be back in my life if he could stop drinking and stay sober.
He chose poorly.
He didn’t like my “rules” and is full of anger and hate towards me and my family.
Pointing fingers and refusing to take any responsibility.
I will pray every single day that he will “let go and let God”, give in to his Higher Power, and fight the demons of alcoholism.